A Stay at home Mom is a difficult job to take. I guess I never thought I would be one when I was growing up. I wanted to be successful in the job world. I wanted to be recognized for my outstanding accomplishments in the world. And when after Many years of college, I decided I was going to be teacher, I thought this is how I was going to do it. I had Dreams and Goals. I saw myself as a successful brilliant person who people would come to for advise. I knew all the answers at age 23. Well, at least I thought I did.
But then life has a way of changing your plans. I was pregnant. Then on bed rest. So the college plans were put on hold. I thought for sure I would go back to school after the baby was born. I worked part time as well during this stage of life at an Elementary school as a teachers Aide. And I thought I would go back to work when the baby was born as well.
Then Dean Taylor came 10 weeks before his due date. I guess he really wanted to be here. I could not leave that little 4 lb baby with just anyone. I wanted to be home for him but I also had my dreams. It was a difficult stage of life for me as I tried to blend these two visions of my life. My "mother" life and my "dream goal" life. My husband was going to school at this time and working 2 jobs (bus driver and pizza delivery guy) to make ends met. I am grateful for his hard work that let me the opportunity to make a discussion for our family what would be best for us. I will also always be grateful for my Mother in Law for not taking on a babysitting role for Dean Taylor. It forced me to make a decision. And I choose to be a stay at home mom.
I am not saying I did not try my hand at little jobs here and there. From House cleaning to selling crafts to candles to PTSO and Art Masterpiece but for the last 16 years, I have been the one that gets the kids going during the day. I was the one that planned play dates and actives for my kids as they were younger, made sure they were at school on time as they got older and everything else in between.
Well, My 4th and last child started Kindergarten this year. I was torn. For 16 years I had had a little lunch buddy or 2 with me. Someone to help plan my day around. Now it was just me.
Thankfully, I got a part time job when JJ started school for a lady that was leaving on maturity leave for one of the companies SMS supports. That helped fill my day. But in December that ended. So we are now in 2011, I have gone though some server depression as I try to figure out what my role is now with kids gone to school all day. There is no little buddy to go to lunch with, no one to make play dates for. And my older kids are becoming more and more independent. I have time during the day. So what do I do to fill up that time. I can sit on the couch all day and watch TV and no one would know.
And that is what I did for a good portion of February, feeling like a fish out of water. This is when I miss my mom most of all. I needed someone that has been though this to talk to. To be a listening ear. It has been very lonely.
Redefining me, has been one of the hardest things for me to do. But I now I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I am starting to define my role from Stay at Home Mom with Babies to a Stay at Home Mom with School and Teenage kids. I made the decision 16 years ago to be home when my kids get home from school. So as I work Part time for our company, SMS, during the day and attend the temple once a week, take art classes and try to keep up with the house, I know what my role is. It is still that of Mom. I might be be the brilliant person people look to for advise but I am the the person 4 very special unique beautiful kids look to for an example and maybe some advise from time to time, when they don't know it all already. ;) I might not look like a success to the outside world but to the Mighty Moore Monkeys I am.
I know that life is in a continual state of change. Who knows what it will be like in the year to come what different changes it will bring. Thankfully Dean's Business is still growing in these hard times and I don't have to work outside the home yet to make ends met. SO for now I will try different things that can enrich my life and that of my family and cherish that I am still able to say "Yes, I am a Stay at Home Mom".
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4 comments:
Annette! (:
I totally 'feel' your pain. I fully, and completely assumed that when my kids were all in school my 'duties' to them would be almost non-existent during the day. They are 'big' kids now, right?!
What I have learned... They always need you. Even if it is just in the knowledge that you are 'there' for them, if they need you.
All three of my kids are in high school now, and I did try the go back to work thing, thinking it was the next step and right thing to do... Now, for some people it is... For me it was not. My kids were a mess. Even though, I still made all their lunches and left them love notes... My attention was not theirs, I was not available to them.
Many times a week I am reminded why I love being able to be home for them, even when they are not... Reminded sometimes with forgotten assignments (which doesn't thrill me, but happy to be able to help), reminded when they are not well and need me to get them, or even when they just want to send me little text messages during the day - to say, 'Hi, and they love me.'
They are safe and secure and happy knowing I am there for them. And there is NO better job satisfaction than that. (:
I agree, though, it is a hard transition, but the kids are SO worth it! I wouldn't trade one day of hearing their clamoring stories of school tales for 'job success' ever!
WOW...Annette, that is totally awesome!! I really loved reading this!! We love you!! I know that your children have been blessed to have you be at home with them! Joey so badly wants this from me and it is not doable at this time! However, I am proud of the person you are and continue to become!! We love you!! :0)
Amen to Tamara! It is the most important job. It just doesn't get the credit in the world that it deserves. So we as women think it is not important. But that is what the adversary wants us to think. I need to better with my time at home, but my kids love the "undivided" attention and hate when it is anywhere else. Both you and Tamara are such great examples to me of what great mothers are. I love reading and looking at your blogs to see where your motherhood adventures take you, whether it be more farm animals (Annette) or back to Disneyland just because (Tamara...oh and can I be one of your kids). Love you!
ahhh LIFE!?!?! Forever changing--things just do not remain the same and we have to ADAPT--not always the easiest thing to do. Trying to figure out what WE want to be at different times in our lives--that is the good part--WE can change and become better, smarter and more well rounded. WE are not to be defined by only one thing we do but the MANY things we can/will do. For me I am trying to take the steps to go back to school--I am scared out of my soul--it would be far easier for me to sit and do nothing than take the chance and fail--but I need to prove to myself that i can. You are so LUCKY that you have had that opportunity and chance to be home with your kiddo's--and just like you still wish you had your mom to talk to and get advice from they will come to you seeking the same thing. YOU are a great mom--you are the PARTY mom--the carpool mom and an all around COOL mom. You have four LUCKY kids that get to call you MOM. Continue to GROW and set the example for those kids that you can always improve and learn new things, give service and be there. You are a great example for me--it is bitter sweet when our job as MOM is slowly becomes obsolete as they grow up and cut the ties. My bench is getting smaller at church--i am becoming one of those families that i watched for years empty out--enjoy the time you have left with your kids cuz if you blink it will be gone before you know it!
Much LOVE to one of the BEST(not perfect;) moms i know--you will find your mojo on what to do!
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